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wintersunsetweb

I was daydreaming about Christmases past and my reverie took me way back to 5 years of age, living in a town called El Cerrito in California (outside of SF) in a small home along with my mom, dad and two older brothers.

Money was a little tight those days and we had a special Christmas tradition.  On Christmas Eve we would open a few smaller gifts, some whimsical, some not quite as ‘fun’ but seen as necessities (socks, underwear, etc.)  But it was all wonderful just the same because of the holiday magic.

AND THEN there was Christmas morning.  Santa would come in the night bearing the ‘big gift’ – something he knew each of us was praying to receive.  And quite miraculously, this present would find it’s way to the end of our beds where we would discover it upon awakening.

Well, this particular year when I was 5, I remember going to bed in a state of brilliant anticipation.  And when I woke early that next morning, I peeked out from the covers to find what Santa had delivered… and much to my disappointment, saw nothing there.  Simultaneously I heard both of my brothers exclaiming with glee over the surprises found at the end of their own beds.  Not wanting to cry, I got up and prepared myself to walk out into the living room where everyone had gathered around the tree, rather martyr-like in my decision to just pretend, “It doesn’t matter. I’ve been ceremoniously abandoned here, but I will survive.” (THAT kind of wounded but stoic entrance…)

When much to my complete astonishment (and embarrassment) I found all of my family staring at me, wide-eyed, as I laid eyes on a big, blue bicycle.  I had recently outgrown the tricycle and pleaded nonstop to have a bike like my brothers… and here it was.  Mom said, “Santa couldn’t fit this at the end of your bed, Sweetie. So he had to leave it next to the tree!”

Talk about a complete U-turn in emotions!!  Then the funny thing was, not being able to afford a brand new bike, this was a used one (albeit in very good condition)and about 2 sizes too big for me.:)  But that didn’t matter.  It didn’t take long for my body to catch up and this two-wheeler remained with me for many years and many miles.

Remembering all of this brought some tears and some laughs.  It reminded me of how fixated we can become on what we think we ‘need’. It teaches me that sometimes these gifts can come in packages that we don’t quite expect or that sometimes while they might not seem to fit, they are actually the perfect size.

On that note, I wish you the biggest gift of all.  May you feel the love that surrounds you and fills you in every moment of every day.  May you share this tenderness and compassion with others and so feel its exponential effects.  And may the peace that comes from this love be a balm to Mother Earth and all of her inhabitants as we move into 2016, hearts open, and ready for a world at peace.

Blessings and Namasté.

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